Have you ever encounter a profile on a dating website or a classified ad that are full of jargons and you don’t really know what the person is looking for or meant such as this one?
“Slim and discreet MWC. She’s bi-curious; he’s STR8. No heavies, Drugs, or pain. Both safe, clean, love French culture, interested in meeting similar couple for fun and games. P/P required for contact”
You must have encountered a swinger’s ad. By the end of this post, you will be able to interpret the message and maybe write one yourself.
What is swinging?
According to Gilmartin, co-marital sex (or swinging) is that form of extramarital sexual behaviour, which involves legally married couples sharing coitus and other sexual behaviours with other legally married couples in a social context defined by all participants as consisting a kind of recreational-convivial play
Who are swingers?
Swingers tended to be middle to upper class in economic status and tended to be employed in professional or management positions.
Most of the studies found that swingers tended to be middle aged. Of course there are some informal events catered a much younger crowd.
Researchers found swingers to be more liberal than non-swingers in their attitudes about sex and marriage and proposed that they may be less racist, less sexist and less heterosexist when compared to the non- swinging population.
Where do they meet or find other swingers?
Swingers usually go to convention or swinging events organised by clubs.
A convention or swinging event usually lasts 3 – 5 days and requires that couples stay at a hotel, with the total cost for attending each event being around $2500 to $3000 including food and entertainment.
People who can’t not afford to attend events such as these have numerous alternate ways to experience the lifestyle. Private parties, free events and hook ups from the Internet classifieds are some of the other ways swingers get together.
Swingers- Classification
According to Varni (1974), there are several types of swingers based on the level of emotional connection that they preferred from other swingers.
Hardcore swingers prefer no emotional connection with their swing partners and were not selective in their choices. Their main goal was to have sex with as many couples as possible and tended to be described as cold and superficial by other types of swingers.
Egotistical swingers also prefer little emotional connection with swing partners but are fairly selective when choosing them. These individuals choose others who would fulfill their sexual needs and desires such as the need to be seen as: manly, sexy, attractive and wanted by others.
Recreational swingers view swinging as a social activity and are members of fairly stable groups.
They are not interested in deep emotional involvement with swing partners and participate in swinging as a hedonistic pursuit.
Interpersonal swingers are interested in deep emotional connections with their swing partners and were very selective in the choices they made. They prefer one-couple situations and desire close friendships with their swing partners.
Communal swingers were similar to the Interpersonal type but advocated some form of group marriage and would most likely fit under polyamory.
The process of swinging
Jenks (1998) proposed the 5 steps that individuals pass through on the path to joining the Lifestyle.
The first stage required that there be a strong interest in sex and/or that the person started sexual activity at an earlier age than the norm.
The second stage referred to the personal characteristics the individual had that complimented the Lifestyle. These were characteristics like being open sexually, having good communication skills and a low tendency towards jealousy.
The third stage is known as the passive phase where the individual or couple explored information about swinging and began to discuss the possibility of becoming involved in the lifestyle.
The fourth stage was called the active phase and involved testing the waters by actually making contact with swingers and making the decision as to whether the lifestyle represented a good fit for them.
The last stage was the commitment phase where there was actual participation in the lifestyle and a strengthening or solidifying of the reasoning the individuals used to decide to become swingers.
Why individuals choose to swing?
The concept of sexual habituation is a normal change in the marital relationship that occurs at around three to seven years into a marriage. The amount of stimulation that it takes to create a certain level of sexual arousal increases over the years and things could become stale in the sexual relationship.
Infidelity occurs most often during this time, but couples that are willing to explore novel sexual experiences and to grow together sexually seemed to handle this period more successfully. Some researchers suggested that swinging might be a way of countering habituation. Sexual variety, exciting experiences, and the opportunity to live out their sexual fantasies as a couple may serve to actually strengthen the marital bond.
When interviewed, swingers quoted that one of the primary reasons given for joining the swinging lifestyle was to enjoy a variety of sexual partners and experiences, followed by the experience of the pleasure or excitement that included the idea of rebelling against social norms and doing something forbidden.
What do swingers say about their happiness and marriasge after joining the lifestyle?
The assumption that swinging would affect marriages in a negative manner was countered in much of the research. Gilmartin (1974, 1975) reported that 85% of the swingers surveyed felt that swinging posed no threat to their marriages. The majority reported that swinging actually enhanced their marriage.
Why stop swinging?
Swinging isn’t for everyone. When asked about the reasons for dropping out of the lifestyle, jealousy was the main reason given for leaving swinging, followed by guilt, which were both thought to contribute to the third reason, the marriage was threatened by the activity (Denfeld, 1974). Denfeld (1974) reported that the most common explanation was that the husband or wife could not overcome the jealous feelings that occurred from their spouse having sex with someone else. Husbands reported being more jealous than wives and the reasons given had to do with the wife’s popularity, endurance, and appearing to have more fun than the husband. Smith and Smith (1974) concluded that although men appeared to initiate the couple into the swinging lifestyle, women seemed more able to handle and adjust to the sexual freedom than men after the initial entry into the lifestyle. Others found it was not for them, their expectations were too high, or they got too old. Others noted life situations related to employment, raising children, and money problems as factors.
Descriptive Terms Found in Swinger Ads
420 means marijuana use.
BBW stands for big beautiful woman and refers to women who are not their
ideal weight but are comfortable with their size. In the ads it can mean
anything from a few pounds overweight to a morbidly obese woman.
Voluptuous refers to women with large well formed breasts and full well
formed hips.
HWP means the person’s height and weight are proportionate.
Can Entertain, Entertain, means that the swingers are willing to meet and play
at their own home.
Can Travel means that the swinger is willing to go to another swinger’s home,
or to meet at another location such as a motel.
Meet For Pleasure means that the swinger will meet for sex and that no other
relationship is sought.
D/D Free, Clean, means the swingers are free of sexually transmitted diseases
and are drug free.
CPL, Couple, refers to a man and a woman together for swinging, not
necessarily married or in a relationship beyond the one for this purpose.
Recently, ads have referred to the term couple as two women as well.
F and M refers to female and male.
Generous refers to money for sex and usually represents a Pro, or prostitute
using the ad to make contacts.
Hung refers to a man with a large penis. IR means interracial.
IRL means in real life.
ISO means in search of.
MWC stands for married white couple
MBC stands for married black couple.
Newcomers, Newbies, are people new to the lifestyle or first timers. Photo, means the swingers are looking for others to exchange photos with
Photography means that the swingers are looking for others to exchange
and/or to participate in the making of nude or sexually explicit pictures,
slides or movies.
P/P means that a photo and phone number are required for contact to occur.
TAN refers to a person who has tested antibody negative for HIV.
Triolism is a term used in ads to seek threesomes.
Terms related to Lifestyle activities:
Swapping, is the exchanging of partners during a sexual encounter.
Full Swap refers to full sexual intercourse with an alternate partner.
Soft Swap can mean watching, touching, oral sex, anything but intercourse. Soft Swingers are couples who only have intercourse with their own partners. Soft Swinging means same room sex with the primary partner, voyeurism/
exhibitionism, or any sexual encounter without intercourse.
Hard Swinging, Hardcore refers to a swing party or encounter where sexual
activity is expected.
Recreational Swinger refers to individuals who swing as a recreational
diversion and are not interested in long term friendship or emotional
attachment.
Open Swinging, Open Door, means that the couple will swing in the same
room with another couple.
Closed Swinging, Closed Door, couples swap partners and move to other
rooms.
Terms related to forms of sexual activity:
Greek, Greek Culture, Anal, all refer to anal sex or anal intercourse.
Analingus, Rimming, refer to oral stimulation of the anus with the tongue, lips or teeth.
Animal Training, Beastiality, sexual activity using animals.
French Culture, Head, 69, Giving Head, refers to oral-genital stimulation that
includes cunnilingus and fellatio.
DP, Double Penetration, means the person likes to be penetrated in two orifices at the same time or one orifice with two penises or objects.
Golden Shower, Water Sports refer to urine play.
Swedish Culture is the use of the hands to massage or stimulate sexually.
Roman, Roman Culture, Group Sex, The Party Scene, Orgy, refers to sexual
activity between more than two individuals. Includes trios, threesomes,
foursomes, moresomes, ménage-a-trois, gang-bangs, etc.
FFM, FMF refers to sex between one male and two females.
MFM, FMM, refers to sex between one female and two males.
All Cultures, means the couple enjoys all types of sexual activity.
Bizarre, Way Out, refers to unusual sexual desires.
Bukkake is a Japanese term that means sperm shower, refers to a group of
men ejaculating on a woman.
Terms related to sexual preference or orientation:
AC/DC, Bisexual, Bi, Versatile, refer to a person who enjoys sexual activity with both sexes.
Gay in advertisements can refer to a homosexual male or a lesbian female.
Lesbian refers to a woman who is sexually attracted to women exclusively.
Straight, STR, STR8, in the swingers context can mean any person who is
only interested in heterosexual sex, or a person who is drug free, can also
be a reference to being a non-swinger.
Transvestite, TV refers to a male that gains sexual satisfaction from wearing
women’s garments.
Transsexual, Trani, Trans, describes a person who has undergone, or is in the process of undergoing, a conversion from one gender to the other through hormonal treatments and surgery.