Story 1
I first fell in love when I was 20. My first love was Vietnamese, short and stout and 1 year older than me. He was very funny and gallant. For a sophomore like me, he was a great achievement. He came from a highly educated family; he had a well-paid job and a great future ahead of him. Thanks to him, I was introduced to dimly lit or flash light coffee shops and cinemas for couples, where of course, people went there neither for coffee nor films. He taught me how to give French kisses and would hire short time hotels to show me porn to teach me how to suck his dick. My first reaction to kissing was “it was disgusting, dirty, wet and sinful”. For a blow job, I didn’t understand why I had to suck his dick or why I had to feel so uncomfortable with something in my throat choking me. You see, I was raised a strict Catholic. After a few attempts, sucking a dick was still impossible and he didn’t seem to enjoy it much since it involved too many of my teeth. While in relationship, he would take me home to his room a few times where I got my classic movie education and make out sessions. I was head over heels in love, getting better at kissing and looking forward to making out sessions and a fruitful relationship. We dated for 6 months , breaking up a few times due to no future prospect and religion conflicts; then on my birthday, he took me out to eat, rented a hotel room for passionate makeouts that you could imagine, broke up with me again for the last time, gave me some money to buy a present since he thought it was more realistic than trying to guess what I would want, like or need before dropping me off at home. His reason was that he couldn’t wait till marriage to have sex with me and he was afraid he would lose control and rape me since he struggled with himself every time we made out. He didn’t want to have sexual intercourse with me without my consent or readiness.
Story 2
In 2010, I went to BKK just before Lunar new year or Tet holidays began. Back then I posted a few dance videos on Youtube and get a massive number of views of more than 80,000 for one provocative but asthetically beautiful workout. Unfortunately, it was reported by one of the concerned parents and it was removed by Youtube. The rest of the videos weren’t that successful, so I was pleasantly surprised when someone recognized me at one of the guest houses I was staying in Khao San road. What was the odd of that? The guy, an Australian man, Brett, travelling with his two friends, struck a conversation with me and talked to his friend about me as if he had known me for a while. We decided to hang out that night before I came back to Vietnam due to boredom and loneliness. After dinner, the guy didn’t feel well, so he excused himself early and I went on to go dancing with his two friends. I drank too much and had a wild night in two different clubs on that famous street. I ended up with one of his friends, called Paul in his room, which was probably across from my room in the same guest house. We made out and probably stripped each other’s clothes off, then I told him I was a virgin. Paul, who was probably still sober or just a bit tipsy, told me he would love to have sex with me and all but not while I was drunk. He told me he didn’t want me to do things that I might regret later since I had no capacity to give consent at that time. He then put me to bed and cover me with a blanket while he was sitting on the floor waiting for me to come around.
Story 3
In 2011, I was looking to have some holiday romance with a potential partner in Phuket. I had my flight reservations, but my partner had some kind of emergency, so we never had a chance to meet in person. I decided not to forfeit the ticket and looked for someone to hang out in Phuket. Through a dating app, I found a handsome blonde man living and working in Phuket. We talked for some time and he agreed to pick me up at the airport, put me up for the night and show me around the next day. It was late at night; he came to the airport by scooter. He sped up as fast as he could till it ran out of gas just before we reached a petrol station. We reached his place, a small studio in a local apartment building. He then came on to me, forced himself up on me and was about to penetrate. I told him I was a virgin but he didn’t listen to or believe me. He continued to spread my legs open while I tried to shut the body down and protect the vagina opening. I negotiated and he agreed on a blow job. Before I even started, I accidentally said something that shattered his confidence instantly. His dick became flaccid and he officially lost his mood for sex. I was somehow saved from rape not because the guy knew what consent was but because I was lucky. (He might have known what consent was, but he chose to ignore non-verbal language). The next day, he dropped me off with my belongings at a popular local market and absolved himself of his duty as a chaperone as promised.
Story 4
Before I started offering teaching foreplay, I conducted experiments on my body in BKK. One famous athlete trainer in Thailand found me on the Internet and booked 3 hours of nuru massage with 15’ of interval every 45’ of work. We settled on the date and I bought return tickets even booked a hotel near his work place so he could walk there for the session. However, I decided it was not possible for me to give such a long hour massage even with breaks in between. I had never done that before and I didn’t want the client to think of my massage as a mediocre nuru if things didn’t go well especially it wasn’t cheap. With everything booked and one client being gone, I went on with my agenda. I had 7 days there with only 2 clients, so I had plenty of time on my hand. I decided to meet expats in BKK for free foreplay lessons. At this time, I had already had one- year experience of nuru under my belt, I was very confident with my touch and movements. In all my relationships, none of my dates or boyfriends could make me climax or know how to touch my body epsecially my breasts or how to make me wet without having to go down on me. I set my mind to correct that. Every night without work, I found a volunteer to come for free lessons on condition that they had to leave when the lesson finished or when I asked them to; it would be fun but there would be no happy ending for them. They all agreed to these conditions. My students of the first trial included an IT manager, a biology teacher, a national football coach and a director of different night clubs. The men would arrive from 10-12 pm and stay till 3 pm max. The second set of free trials took place a few months later also in BKK. The students this time comprised a journalist, a scientist and a motobike racer. I taught them first how to massage to relax women, then turn them on, turn them around, kiss their body. In every encounter, regardless the attractiveness or fitness of the man, I always got soaking wet, so wet that I had to wash it away with the man expressing regret upon seeing that. The lesson was around 1h 15’ but no one wanted to leave after that. They wanted more practice. The moaning, groaning, the facial expression, the panting, the twisting and writhing of the body and seeing the juice pouring out the subject’s body fueled the man’s desire, boosted their ego and helped their brain release more dopamine. If it had been a date preceding all of these foreplay activities, things would have been different. They all stayed with the hope of changing my mind, convincing, seducing, begging me to make love to them. It was extremely hard to say no and walk away from it and stop the fun. All the men knew what consent was; they just didn’t want to give up the chance to make me say yes.
So what is consent? What is consent in the eye of law? What are some misconceptions about consent? How is consent expressed? When does education of consent start? What are some issues in daily life that need our consent to? Come back and read my next post here.
If you want to use the photo it would also be good to check with the artist beforehand in case it is subject to copyright. Best wishes. Aaren Reggis Sela
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