In this interview series, we are focusing on sex therapists as to who they are, what they do and what some assumptions about them are.
1 Is there a difference between a sex therapist and a sexologist?
Sexology is the general term for the scientific study of human sexuality and sexual behaviour, and the people who study it are referred to as sexologists.
Some people think sexologists and sex therapists are one and the same. While a number of sexologists choose to pursue a career as a sex therapist (in other words, working directly with patients in a clinical setting), others explore careers like a sex researcher, a sex educator or a public policy activist.
2 What does exactly a sex therapist do?
A sex therapist helps people with sexual problems.
Sex therapists are qualified counsellors, doctors or healthcare professionals who have done extra training in helping people with problems relating to sex.
A sex therapist can help people with various sexual problems, including:
- Lack of desire
- Difficulty having an orgasm
- Pain during sex or inability to have penetrative sex
- Difficulty getting or keeping an erection (erectile dysfunction)
- Premature ejaculation or other ejaculation problems
A sex therapist will listen to you describe your problems and assess whether the cause is likely to be psychological, physical or a combination of the two.
Each therapy session is confidential. You can see a sex therapist by yourself, but if your problem affects your partner as well, it may be better for you both to attend.
Talking about and exploring your experiences will help you get a better understanding of what is happening and the reasons. The therapist may also give you exercises and tasks to do with your partner in your own time.
Sessions usually last for 30 to 50 minutes. The therapist may advise you to have weekly sessions or to see them less frequently, such as once a month
3 What are some misconceptions about sex therapists?
“A sex therapist is going to force me to answer prying and humiliating questions.”
–> Sex therapy is supposed to provide an arena where you feel comfortable enough to open up on your own.
“We’ll have to have sex in front of the Therapist”
–> The only activity that happens in the therapy room is talking. Sometimes there may be laughter, occasionally tears, but NEVER nudity or sex. All “tasks” happen outside the therapy room in a venue of your choice, usually in the comfort of your own home. Then at your next session you’ll be asked to talk about how you got on. This helps your Therapist understand what works for you so that you can make the progress you’re looking for.
“Sex Therapy is only for people who have serious problems with sex”
–> Any problem is serious if it interferes with how you’d like your sex life to be. Most people experience sexual difficulties at some time in their lives. That’s normal, but if it bothers you, not doing something about it can sometimes make things worse. Sex Therapy gives you a safe space to work through your worries and take positive steps to change things.
“If my partner and I have to go to Sex Therapy it means our relationship is over”
–> For most people the opposite is true. Recognising that your sex life isn’t how you’d like it to be and getting help is a really positive step. Taking time out to think about what’s going wrong for you both can help prevent difficulties spreading from your sexual life to other parts of the relationship.
“The Therapist will be too embarrassed to deal with the issue I’m having”“You have to be in a relationship to go to Sex Therapy”“A sex therapist will make me do embarrassing exercises.” “A sex therapist will want me to have sex with him/her in order to help with my problem.”
–> There are questions about your issue, and you may be asked to try out certain exercises at home, but there will never be any touching or undressing. It’s important to understand the difference between sex therapists and sex surrogates! Also, there are other kinds of sex therapy which involve body massage, tantra, and nuru that are about touching and getting touched.
4 How many universities are there in the world that can help license a sex therapist?
A license is something you get from a state or from an institution that can do it for the state to legally do therapy. But there are very few states that require a license for sex therapists. So literally everyone can call himself a sex therapist. That’s why it’s very important to look at the credentials when choosing a sex therapist.
5 In order to become a licensed sex therapist, what does one need?
It depends on the institution where you pursue your studies. As mentioned before, clinical sexology is largely unregulated, so what can help you to get a license in one country might not be helpful in another