Sex and Pregnancy
I had never been and would never be ready to be pregnant. I was a child at heart and I loved to be pampered by my mom, my partner and by my clients. I loved having no baggage or anyone to slow me down. After all, I had a wonderful job with lots of clients relying on me. I had always pushed back having a child for the same reason that I would have to put my massage career on hold while expecting, then there’s this postpartum recovery period and a 6 month breastfeeding period. The thought of “would my body ever go back to its original shape now that I am getting older?” and the fact that we lose 5% of muscle mass every 10 year aren’t exactly convincing. More than anyone, I am now a certified personal trainer, I know the risk of letting myself go. I did it anyway. I wanted to have children to have someone to pass on my legacy, my knowledge and riches (not that I am well-off; being a masseuse is never about money anyway and I don’t work often enough to make a killing; I can never unless I franchise my technique and forgo quality. So I went on and tried conceiving a child without much expectation. For me, having a child is a blessing from GOD which is ironic considering what I do (I am probably the biggest sinner in God’s eyes). I got pregnant at first try. I was shocked. I am turning 40 this June and I got knocked up the first time my partner came inside me. I don’t believe in contraception pills since I think it’s unfair for women to suffer all the side effects or be subject to pain and discomfort for both men and women’s pleasure. For me, it has always been a natural birth planning method- pulling out and my partner and I have been successful for all these years. On retrospect, I think it was the combination of the change of scenery, the meat diet, the vitamin popping and the better sex life that had me conceive at first try. Most of the time, when a couple goes past their honeymoon stage, their sex usually goes down hill from then; it was not in my case. Being a masseuse and a live model for students to practice on, I would say I have had hundreds of erotic massages and my expectation when it comes to sex is quite high. My partner was also aware of this, so he sometimes thought of new massage moves to test on me. I would tell him if they were potential and if they needed any modification. His moves were closer to Yoni massage than Sheila’s Approach massage type.
Let’s fast forward to my first prenatal checkup. The four questions I asked the doctor was about sex, workout, diet and regular checkups. Interestingly, the doctor seemed to have anticipated every question a pregnant woman would pose and went ahead compiling an information checklist. Everything that a pregnant woman can find from how frequently she needs to see a doctor, what she needs to eat to provide her with enough iron, what medication is pregnancy friendly, what vaccine she should have and what tests she will be subject to during 9 month pregnancy is on the package, but there was no single information regarding what position is best for pregnant women, how long can a mother-to-be can have sex until, how hormonal changes will affect her orgasm, if breast stimulation can influence her contraction and make her go into labor earlier than expected, and so on. It is true that women should rely on their instinct to decide if they want to have sex and if it feel alright at a certain moment to have intercourse; there should be at least some guidelines on this very important issue. So the answers I got from the doctor was “you can have sex and work out as usual; just don’t start a new exercise”. I had to do some research and watch quite a few YouTube videos made by health care professional regarding sex during pregnancy. According to a midwife with 30 years of experience under her belt, regular sex is especially good for the last trimester.
There you go guys, you have a real good reason to convince your partner to have sex till due date. It might not work for everyone especially with women with high risk pregnancy so please consult your gynaecologist before embarking on such a pleasure trip. There are a few things I learned from my own pregnancy:
- Even if I didn’t feel like it, I still had sex thinking of how beneficial it would be for my labor, which made my partner very happy.
- I could climax very easily and many times although I couldn’t prolong it as much as I wanted. My orgasm was also not powerful as it was before pregnancy. My nipples became very sensitive and were the source of all emotions, convulsion and stimulation. However, touching nipples (and belly) often is inadvisable by doctors in general because it could induce early contractions.
- I pretty much masturbated everyday and sometimes a few times a day because I could and because it felt great.
- At first, when my bump was not visible or I didn’t feel so heavy, any sex position worked just fine. Then for the last few months of pregnancy, it was impossible to have any other position than doggy style. I actually learned to appreciate that position more than ever during that time. Most men enjoy this position while most women don’t like it. It is like an acquired taste. It should feel amazing for both men and women, but many men do it wrong, so women are scared just to think about it. Once bittern, twice shy. Once it’s uncomfortable to try, chances are women won’t try it again not with the same man and certainly not with different men. I had the same problem at first. Then because I was experimental; I didn’t give up and I figured out where it went wrong. It was about the angle and the prop. Women need to propped up and leaned against a pillow or two at a certain angle and it should be preceded by other good positions to create the first good impression of the doggy style. Men shouldn’t hesitate to massage the butt cheek to get women wet again for a facilitated access.
- I exercised till maybe 2 weeks before I gave birth and had sex right till the date I went into labor. However, I had a premature delivery. My baby was born when she was 35 weeks 5 days. Now I don’t know what caused my early labor, but I suspected my heavy kick boxing workout, my long uncomfortable bike rides to work on a very uncomfortable bike (it was my brother’s bike- I sold mine when I moved to the US) and a sudden 11 hour day at work from a norm of 5. I was a first time mother and I did so many things I was not supposed to do according to Asian culture. Or it could be the combination of all the aforementioned factors.
So how does Sheila’s Approach massage come to play in this scenario? It does not greatly help with turning women on during pregnancy since they already experience increased vaginal lubrication and a hypersensitive clitoris due to extra genital blood flow. Sheila’s Approach massage then can help women relax and enjoy a good massage before the intercouse. However, during the postpartum, Sheila’s Approach massage can come in extremely handy to help women who give natural birth enjoy sex and get back to their normal sex life again soon. Follow my blog to read my next post.